Hin und her gerissen ...

Scot McKnight, einer der Größen aus der Emerging Church Szene veröffentlicht und beantwortet auf seinem Blog an ihn gerichtete Emails unter der Rubrik "Letters to Emerging Christians".

Einer dieser Letter drückt ungefähr auch meine momentane Empfindung aus (Hervorhebungen von mir):
Letter from Karen

All I have ever known is church work. I was groomed to be “in ministry.” Then in the middle of college (a Christian college) I began to question some doctrines which led to a myriad of other questions about my faith and the various interpretations of “Truth.” While at my internship I continued to “perform” ministerial tasks (teaching, planning events, connecting with people in the community) but increasingly found myself pulling away from my faith journey. I realized how efficient I had become at teaching the Bible but I know my heart was completely not in it. I basically cracked and told my pastor/boss that I couldn’t do it anymore.
[...]
I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore. The idea is great, but I find myself wondering if its all just been a bunch of psychological jargon to help me deal with the roller coaster of life.
[...]
I daily wonder if my ability to have faith has just completely disappeared… and that maybe all that is left is me to admit that I have moved on and away from my Christian journey. I don’t want that to be the case, but I feel like my questions and experiences have pushed me so far to the edge that I don’t know how to recover.
[...]
While this is a hard place to be, and a place I absolutely never anticipated I realize this doesn’t have to be a permanent place, and while the answer for me doesn’t have to be to have all my questions answered or that I have finally ascended to a new spiritual high [...] I do wish to have some beliefs to hold on to again… I miss that. But even more than beliefs, I’d like to think there is something bigger than mere beliefs or propositional truths I can claim that I hold on to- [...]. This is a lonely place to be.

Und hier ein Auszug aus Scots Antwort (Hervorhebung von mir):

[...]
When we ride through the thick place in faith, there is only one central thing to do: face God. Talk to God; listen to God; read the Bible, not to learn something new but to hear God. Ask God’s Spirit to come your way afresh. And wait. Wait in faith.
[...]
And, some of us want to “save the Church” from all its blunderings. Once again, the problems can overwhelm us. My suggestion is take it simply: love your neighbor, respond to those who come your way with grace, and ask someone near you how you can help.

Und bezogen auf manche Gedanken, die ich mir mache, vielleicht einer der bedeutendsten Sätze in seiner Antwort:

Sometimes concentrating on the micro-stories can take our minds off the macro-story’s mega-problems.

Paul Neel schreibt in einem Kommentar dazu:

[...]
Yes, we are called to be stewards and to live out our faith; but God can get by without my stuff. I am not the be all and end all. What he really wants is a relationship with me. That is humbling and awe inspiring to me. Way too many are burning out in the church because they are working their tails off for the Kingdom but couldn’t actually tell you the last time they sat before the Lord to wait on and listen to Him because they “don’t have time”. And the enemy loves it!
[...]
Theology and doctrine have an important place, but they can never replace a relationship with the Creator of the Universe.

Soweit was mich bewegt, weitere Kommentare, kann jeder selbst einsehen, wenn er dem Link zum Original oben folgt.